Currently Playing Blue Stars By Pretty Ricky Grind on me... see related

Hey everyone.  It's been a really wild week.  So yeah, I haven't been around.  But I'll be updating more on that later.  There's um, yeah.... a lot to say.  It was eventful.  But for right now I'm gonna go out w/someone.  I prolly won't be back til really late.  So, talk to you all later Xangans.  ;)  ~Holly

Well I'm goin to KC, MO to see my friends (mayz2 and angela_giggles on xanga)... to be with them during major life events, etc.  I'll be there until Monday.  Haven't been up there in almost 2 years now, so it should be interesting.  I'm totally excited, but scared cause it's the first long trip I'll be takin in my current car.  I hope she makes it okay...

It's been about 4 months since I've really GONE anywhere that's more than 30 miles away.  No particular reason, just haven't.  So I'm happy for that.  And yeah, we'll see what happens.  If I don't write from there, I'll talk to ya again in a few days Xangania.  :)  Love ya.  ~Holly

My body is in desperate need of physical and emotional affection.  This has become such an issue of deprivation for me that I have great trouble functioning in my day-to-day life.  I always have available options to easily quell my physical needs.  However, these options would only lead to emotional disparity.  That is because the only person I have any desire to be intimate with is 700 miles away.  And in a couple weeks he will be 2200 miles away.  Then after a few months--even further.  :(

So on the brink of insanity, I've been grasping at straws--going round and round in my own mind trying to figure out how I can satisfy my need for affection, while not forsaking the man I've grown to love.  I'm coming up with nothing.  There is no answer, except just--wait.  I've thought of it all:  possibly taking up a lesbian companion for a while, being "unofficial" with Josh, letting erm... information technology... help me with my needs.  Everything has drawbacks though--drawbacks that are far too great to make it worthwhile.

To make matters worse, the weather here has been stunning over these past few days.  It's the kind of weather that makes a woman loathe not having someone with her.  Camping by the river, next to a fire, under the stars... sounds all too perfect.  *sigh*  I miss my baby...  :(

On the plus side, we did talk last night.  That eased my fears *tremendously*, as we hadn't spoken in several days; and my screw-up is just one week old.  :(  He called me from a bush while waiting for someone to attack.  It was odd, but oddly wonderful.  I love him, and I can't wait til we can tell each other face to face...  *sigh*  ^__^

(Poor baby, so tired.  Go back to sleep sunshine...)

Can anyone explain why music codes--across Xangania--have come to a stand still?  I have concurred this difficulty with several other users.  Anyone have a clue what's going on?

Just curious (and somewhat frustrated),  ~Holly

So what's up w/Holly lately?  Well, Monday I sat around.  I thought.  I sat around some more.  Thought some more.  Sometimes I did both simultaneously (if you can imagine).  Eventually I got tired.  I went in my room to lay down.  I thought about Josh.  I sighed.  I was too sad and missing him too much to be "frisky."  I just stayed there in the dark--longing for him--and fell asleep feeling lonely.

Today I worked.  I got a stomach-ache.  I threw up.
Right now I'm worried about school and my future.
I miss Josh.  Immensely.
And yeah, that's pretty much it.
So, I'm going to cry myself to sleep now...  :'(